A Heart.. Broken...

It has been to long since I have been away from my blogging.. I will attempt to share.. the many things which have gone on.. One I will mention is October 17th 2015 I woke.. early with pressure.. Pressure I could not explain.. I took a pain pill and attempted to go back to sleep.  the Holy Spirit nudged my heart to send an email to my mom.. To say to her that I was sorry for disconnecting a call a week or so earlier.. We had been talking.. talking of the things I had been going through and most recently a very painful break up with the man I had thought I was going to marry.  One that I had just made a trip to.. but.. it ended in.. such pain.  I will revert to that later.. while on the phone with my mom that evening.. discussing the sale of my home .. the place and family I was now living with.. My eldest son.. and the man who broke my heart in a million pieces.. I just could not think of these things any more.. I could not talk.. I was weeping so hard.. that I had to say.. I need to go and disconnect the call.  sadly I found out from my sister.. via a text that my mom had held this against me. Had taken it personal.. but it truly was not.. so here.. very early this day.. I was moved to say.. I am sorry mom it wasnt personal. I love you. I said no more .. wasnt even led to share the pressure I felt upon my chest.. So laying back.. I tried to drift to sleep once again but.. I woke again.. quickly.. the pressure had gotten worse.. now I had this strange ache in the left shoulder.. I said.. "Lord?" and I heard in my spirit.. Heart attack.. go to the hospital.. so.. I had already gotten dressed when I woke the first time.. So.. I got up got my shoes on and gathered my trash from upstairs and slowly walked down the 3 flights of stairs to where my friend was.. and my Maggie.. my beloved Maggie.. my best friend.. My dog of 10 years.. faithful.  I went to my friend and said.. "Alice I need to go to the hospital" I did not own a vehicle at this time as I had sold it to move to the state with the man I had thought.. I was to marry.. anyway.. Alice said.. ok.. I will go brush my teeth.. I had a little chat with my Maggie.. and told her.. Mama may be gone for a bit.. and how much I loved her.. to be good and take care of Alice and Lorenz  then off to the hospital we went.. I sent word to my friend Jenifer and told her headed to the hospital.. I said it is my heart.. oh before I left I had posted on FB for prayer saying.. on the way to hospital.. while my friend was chatting with me she had asked the Lord show me my Angel James.. who I will share the story of later.. funny I asked the Lord the same thing.. my friend did not know.. So Alice drives to the hospital right up to cardiac unit.. Funny I did not mention to her it was my heart.  Inside we find no one in line.. the lady at the desk turns her back to us and says she needed to clean the counter area up first.. I said.. "Lord" I need your help" and then out of the door came a nurse and she called me back.. though I had not been signed in yet.. she sat me down took my pressure.. It was way up.. 200/104 my friend.. said her .. Oh dears.. and I looked at her and said Alice I need you to be calm.. I do not need to be stressed.. so if your back here I need that ok.. Then the nurse did an EKG and another nure came through the door to the back.. and grabbed it.. taking it back with her.. within minutes.. not even.. I find a wheel chair is being put beneath me and I am now signing the registration papers etc.. off to the back we go and I find a room with a team of people in it.. all busy.. doing their tasks they are to do.. no chaos.. no real talking.. just each doing as they are trained to do on this team.. I find that I am being undressed.. given aspirin and nitro under the tongue.. .. IV's inserted.. blood drawn.. This team was like a well oiled car.. an engine.. that all the parts.. worked well together.. each doing the task they were called to do to make this.. "orchestra" work and play well together.. beautiful music.. I just kept thinking.. wow.. Peace.. I looked up and saw the man who appeared to be the Cardiologist/surgeon.. discussing with another.. leaned up against the wall.. looking very serious.. I heard some of it.. and well it sounded.. like he apparently felt.. a very "odd" challenge.. not certain which test.. was giving him the info.. perhaps all of them combined.. he then walked over to me and leaned down.. and in a soft peaceful voice.. one sure and steady.. he said.. "you are in the middle of a large heart attack and I would like to do a cath.. while in that procedure I will either do a balloon or if not able.. open heart" I said well how important is it that we do this.. and when do you want to do this.. "cath" this time when He looked at me.. I saw the face and deep eyes of James.. My Angel.. and he spoke so sure and in command.. the words were.. very important and NOW immediately..not a moment later.. So alrighty then.. I said.. lets go.. and I handed my phone to Alice.. asking her to please contact my sons and tell them.. I have so much to share on .. my sons..so I pray you all are led to follow this story.. I will be reverting back in time.. and jumping ahead.. as the Lord leads me.. it is a story.. of deep healing.. one of which I am going through even still.. as the Lord continues to sift me.. to mold me.. and to break the chains.. which held me.. as Our God uses ALL things together for good.. for those who LOVE Him and are called according to His purpose... so.. this post I will end with.. my words to my friend.. tell my sons.. I love them... I love you Alice.. tell my Maggie.. I wont be coming home.. tonight.. </3