A Heart.. Broken...

It has been to long since I have been away from my blogging.. I will attempt to share.. the many things which have gone on.. One I will mention is October 17th 2015 I woke.. early with pressure.. Pressure I could not explain.. I took a pain pill and attempted to go back to sleep.  the Holy Spirit nudged my heart to send an email to my mom.. To say to her that I was sorry for disconnecting a call a week or so earlier.. We had been talking.. talking of the things I had been going through and most recently a very painful break up with the man I had thought I was going to marry.  One that I had just made a trip to.. but.. it ended in.. such pain.  I will revert to that later.. while on the phone with my mom that evening.. discussing the sale of my home .. the place and family I was now living with.. My eldest son.. and the man who broke my heart in a million pieces.. I just could not think of these things any more.. I could not talk.. I was weeping so hard.. that I had to say.. I need to go and disconnect the call.  sadly I found out from my sister.. via a text that my mom had held this against me. Had taken it personal.. but it truly was not.. so here.. very early this day.. I was moved to say.. I am sorry mom it wasnt personal. I love you. I said no more .. wasnt even led to share the pressure I felt upon my chest.. So laying back.. I tried to drift to sleep once again but.. I woke again.. quickly.. the pressure had gotten worse.. now I had this strange ache in the left shoulder.. I said.. "Lord?" and I heard in my spirit.. Heart attack.. go to the hospital.. so.. I had already gotten dressed when I woke the first time.. So.. I got up got my shoes on and gathered my trash from upstairs and slowly walked down the 3 flights of stairs to where my friend was.. and my Maggie.. my beloved Maggie.. my best friend.. My dog of 10 years.. faithful.  I went to my friend and said.. "Alice I need to go to the hospital" I did not own a vehicle at this time as I had sold it to move to the state with the man I had thought.. I was to marry.. anyway.. Alice said.. ok.. I will go brush my teeth.. I had a little chat with my Maggie.. and told her.. Mama may be gone for a bit.. and how much I loved her.. to be good and take care of Alice and Lorenz  then off to the hospital we went.. I sent word to my friend Jenifer and told her headed to the hospital.. I said it is my heart.. oh before I left I had posted on FB for prayer saying.. on the way to hospital.. while my friend was chatting with me she had asked the Lord show me my Angel James.. who I will share the story of later.. funny I asked the Lord the same thing.. my friend did not know.. So Alice drives to the hospital right up to cardiac unit.. Funny I did not mention to her it was my heart.  Inside we find no one in line.. the lady at the desk turns her back to us and says she needed to clean the counter area up first.. I said.. "Lord" I need your help" and then out of the door came a nurse and she called me back.. though I had not been signed in yet.. she sat me down took my pressure.. It was way up.. 200/104 my friend.. said her .. Oh dears.. and I looked at her and said Alice I need you to be calm.. I do not need to be stressed.. so if your back here I need that ok.. Then the nurse did an EKG and another nure came through the door to the back.. and grabbed it.. taking it back with her.. within minutes.. not even.. I find a wheel chair is being put beneath me and I am now signing the registration papers etc.. off to the back we go and I find a room with a team of people in it.. all busy.. doing their tasks they are to do.. no chaos.. no real talking.. just each doing as they are trained to do on this team.. I find that I am being undressed.. given aspirin and nitro under the tongue.. .. IV's inserted.. blood drawn.. This team was like a well oiled car.. an engine.. that all the parts.. worked well together.. each doing the task they were called to do to make this.. "orchestra" work and play well together.. beautiful music.. I just kept thinking.. wow.. Peace.. I looked up and saw the man who appeared to be the Cardiologist/surgeon.. discussing with another.. leaned up against the wall.. looking very serious.. I heard some of it.. and well it sounded.. like he apparently felt.. a very "odd" challenge.. not certain which test.. was giving him the info.. perhaps all of them combined.. he then walked over to me and leaned down.. and in a soft peaceful voice.. one sure and steady.. he said.. "you are in the middle of a large heart attack and I would like to do a cath.. while in that procedure I will either do a balloon or if not able.. open heart" I said well how important is it that we do this.. and when do you want to do this.. "cath" this time when He looked at me.. I saw the face and deep eyes of James.. My Angel.. and he spoke so sure and in command.. the words were.. very important and NOW immediately..not a moment later.. So alrighty then.. I said.. lets go.. and I handed my phone to Alice.. asking her to please contact my sons and tell them.. I have so much to share on .. my sons..so I pray you all are led to follow this story.. I will be reverting back in time.. and jumping ahead.. as the Lord leads me.. it is a story.. of deep healing.. one of which I am going through even still.. as the Lord continues to sift me.. to mold me.. and to break the chains.. which held me.. as Our God uses ALL things together for good.. for those who LOVE Him and are called according to His purpose... so.. this post I will end with.. my words to my friend.. tell my sons.. I love them... I love you Alice.. tell my Maggie.. I wont be coming home.. tonight.. </3

Do You Want God to use You

God will use you if your willing to be used.. we fall.. we repent and we get back up.. to be used by Him.. Here I am Lord.. Use Me.. many in the word fell.. it is what is within their hearts I have been shunned by my family but I know God has the total victory.. of His story in it all.. be blessed my friends.. be comforted.. and be ready to be used by the Lord our God.. for His Glory..not ours.. its for Him. Are you willing..?

Good night all..another busy day.. doing the things the Lord has for me to do.. IV day of Rivers of Living water.. then came home.. made my calls to some friends.. and the parents of the children who will be in my Sunday school class.. Im blessed.. looking so forward to getting to know these children.. Praying that the Lord use me..and speaks through me.. to be someone in their life that they know..they can trust and that loves them.. Im so honored to be able to be used by the Lord in this way.. Its so awesome to get to know little things about them from their parents.. and also.. for their parents to know.. I take this serious.. and they have open lines of communication with me.. I dont like even calling this Sunday school...this truly is so much more.. So excited as the parents are lining up to be volunteers for me..so when I take my class on an outing ..outside of Our class day at Church.... Looking so forward to this Sunday.. when I then meet them all face to face..as we grow and learn together.. about..Life..and the Lord.. and His love for each of us.. Be blessed all.. be a true blessing in someones life..reach beyond what you think you can do.. and allow the Lord to step in.. He will be there to meet you.. and If you dont know Him as Your Savior and Lord.. I pray that your heart be opened.. Prodigal..He truly loves you..He has never left you..will you run back into His arms..this day? Saved one..He wants an intimate relationship with you.. Its not about just about what He can do for You..He wants so to show you how to walk in Peace in this world.. will you let Him? this day.. Lord..Here I am.. Use me</3~marni~j~j~<3

Quoting Gods Word.. that is Not the WORD of God

May The Lord God .. show You it is in Your weakness He is made strong and that He never said He would not give You more than You can bear .. also.. remember.. the things that occur upon this Earth.. early death.. etc.. Please STOP saying this is Gods will it is not.. We are a Fallen world.. and due to sin in this world.. we have death .. and we make.. choices.. with Our Free will that .. so many times we have consequences.. that I see many.. blame God for.. hmmm </3~marni~j~j`<3

When Life.. is Hard.. RUN

when things get hard.. run to the Lord.. May the Lord give you a hunger and a thirst for the WORD and may it come so alive to you.. transforming you into Holiness.. May the Lord draw Hearts of those You love to His own.. as He uses your walk to pull them through.. May You Not abandon ship.. and Keep your eyes upon the Lord.. May you Not give Up.. as it may be the time to cross over. to the breakthrough . but Youll miss it.. if You give up.. and walk away.. May You be more committed to truth.. and Holiness and Less committed to compromise.. realizing.. that.. you cannot serve 2 Masters.. May the Lord Help you In Your Unbelief.. and may You Lay down the other gods set in front of the One True God.. May You return to your first love.. with an all consuming Fire.. filled with Passion..to do His will.. In Jesus Name.. amen </3~marni~j~j~♥

Where is Your Fruit

the Lord demands More than coming to the Cross.. He demands going through the cross.. You need to die to sin to the newness of life.. and walk out your salvation. The Lord demands full Obedience and somewhere along the way.. we have missed this in the "Church" God wants Your body as a Living sacrifice and this.. is the truth of the Word of the Lord. </3~marni~j~j~<3

Watchman arise

God where are the watchman of our generation.. who will stand.. saying the Kingdom of God is at Hand.. who is willing to say.. I dont just want to go through life.. I want to stand.. for the Lord.. Who will stand and proclaim the FULL Gospel of God.. Who will stop this once a week relationship with the Lord and make it every day of your life.. yielding your life to the Lord.. what ever His plan is.. to walk within His footsteps.. not your own.</3~marni~j~j~<3

Your Faith

Are You sharing Your Faith? Are you showing the Lord in the things You do.. At your Job.. while shopping.. standing in line.. How do you show Jesus to them.. What is stopping you from sharing the Lord and your Faith..and ensure when you do that your actions dont make you hypocritical..</3~marni~j~~<3